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Season Three of Acquisitions Incorporated was released as a weekly podcast much like the previous two seasons. One comic by Mike Krahulik was released between season two and season three, it's unknown exactly where in the continuity this comic[1] is supposed to exist but it's assumed the events occur before season three. This season features the same cast as season two, Jerry Holkins, Wil Wheaton, Mike Krahulik, Scott Kurtz and Chris Perkins as the DM.

Episode Synopses Edit

'Jim Darkmagic' Comic Edit

[1] Jim Darkmagic conducts a routing Darkmagic magic show but with un-routine conflagrations.

Episode 1 Edit

[2] Acquisitions Incorporated reintroduce themselves in the first episode of season three. Binwin Bronzebottom, Dwarf Fighter extraordinaire and employee of Acquisitions Inc. Omin Dran, CEO and roller of critical failures. Jim Darkmagic, of the Newhamp Shire Darkmagics. Aeofel Elhromane, wielder of 'Wheaton's Cockpunch of Furious Anger'. DM Chris Perkins, recipient of 'Wheaton's Cockpunch of Furious Anger'. The campaign resumes in winter in Fallcrest, the company continues to operate inside The Silver Unicorn Inn. Out of season for travelers the company is allowed to roost in the inn instead of being shunned in the basement. Nathan Faringray, captain of the Fallcrest guard, is troubled and drunkenly approaches the company regarding the lack of dedicated young recruits. Binwin suggests bringing Faringray on a pick-me-up adventure to which Nathan declines. Jim offers tickets for his upcoming show in Fallcrest, "Not fantastic seats but you'll be able to see the action". The captain suggests that the party visit Barton in Fiveleague House who is observing bandit activity in the countryside. Unable to warm up the dour knight, Omin considers this opportunity and lets Faringray know that Acquisitions Inc. is on the case and will travel first thing in the morning. Aeofel is concerned by Nathan Faringray's drinking habits of late and talks to Wisera about it. Wisera pities Faringray's position in training the local irregulars and points out that Acquisitions Inc. has outgrown the small town of Fallcrest. Wisera also informs the party that Barton is the proprietor of Fiveleague House and sits between Thunderspire and Hammerfast she recommends for Acquisitions Inc. to visit Hammerfast -- the largest nearby Dwarven settlement.

The company agrees to set out on the open road, they spend time on the road and pass the great Thunderspire mountain. After nearly three days of travel they arrive at a large inn structure buried in snow with smoke billowing out of the chimney, presumably Fiveleague house. The company enters Fiveleague House to observe a roaring fireplace with a minotaur head mounted above it. Jim spots a bear of a man outside a window struggling to close the stable and heads back to the proper inn. Binwin sets himself up with ale in a large stein. Omin takes a good look around the room and spots a great-sword mounted on the wall. During their repose, a great tall man bundled in furs enters the inn through the back doors and introduces himself as Barton shaking Omin's hand. Barton is surprised that Nathan Faringray would send a company such as Acquisitions Inc. out this far in winter -- he's even more impressed that this is truly Acquisitions Inc. in front of him. Barton reveals that he was once in the Fallcrest guard and served alongside Nathan Faringray before he moved out to the East to have better access to fine Dwarven ale. Omin inquires after the bandit issues of late and Barton dismisses this concern and brings up "Dwarven desperados of Hammerfast". Dwarven merchants have been preyed upon by fellow Dwarves as well as the typical brigands. Struggling to keep straight the name of the only Dwarven town in the Nentir Vale, Binwin suggests they head to Hammertime...Hammerhead... as soon as possible. Omin enacts a plan to make the company look like any other coach on the road in hopes of attracting the Dwarven bandits. Barton gives the party the run of the inn and allows them to sleep where they'd like and offers details and maps to give them the best chance of success.

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Morning comes and Barton has set out a wagon with 3 large hefty barrels. Binwin is hidden under furs, Omin sits on the back with his legs hanging over the side, while Aeofel drives and Jim rides shotgun.

Episode 2[3] Edit

While leaving the Fiveleague House Jim notices a 'spindly man' standing on the roof and shouts back to Barton. The creature disappears before Barton can notice him. The company passes through the foothills of the Dawnforge Mountains approaching Hammerfast. A winding road cuts through the crags to a blocky stone Dwarven gate, guarded by fur-laden Dwarves bearing weapons and metal masks. The guards allow the wagon to pass after a quick inspection. Hammerfast surprises the party with unusual Dwarven spectral apparitions that just seem to be interacting with the rest of the living Dwarves in the town. It turns out that Hammerfast was constructed on the basis of a pact between living and dead. The party seeks information about Marsinda Goldspinner, who leads the merchant's guild in Hammerfast. Finding a manor from which Goldspinner resides, the party is approached by a one-armed Dwarf who invites them within. Lead to a warm hearth with an attractive dwarf painting an Elven glade, the party is surprised it would be so easy to meet the master of merchants in the town. Marsinda is attempting a slightly Elven accent that Aeofel picks up on. Marsinda mentions the Ambershard Dwarves, to which Binwin goes into a seething rage and informs the rest of the company of his family's history with the distasteful Ambershard family. Goldspinner informs the party that the Ambershards are out of control and she has no real power to stop them from ambushing merchant coaches. The Ambershard manor is a converted mausoleum and Goldspinner offers maps to Acquisitions Inc. to give them the best possible chance of success. Marsinda warns the company that the Ambershard manor is guarded by Thazan Stormbellow, a very dangerous adventurer and he alone carries the keys to the main entrance.

Episode 3[4] Edit

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Acquisitions Inc. approach Ambershard manor finding it indeed guarded by Thazan Stormbellow and his dire boar. The party starts to strategize getting into the manor proper without having to fight Thazan if possible. Binwin rolls poorly in trying to sneak past this boar and barely manages to reach the front door without awakening it. Jim activated his Float power to effortlessly cross the yard. Aeofel rolls the first critical failure of the season screaming aloud and awakening the boar. Binwin is unsuccessful in trying to kick the door in and Acquisitions Inc. rolls for initiative.

Sheepishly, Binwin reaches for the door's handle and opens it. Binwin charges an unprepared Thazan within who is still righting his helm upon his head. Jim casts scorching burst, hitting both Thazan and Binwin. Thazan draws a battleaxe from under a table nearby and hits Binwin twice in a row. Omin casts a Lance of Faith through the door at Thazan and strikes. Aeofel casts the incredibly Elven Sparkling Wounds, it's not very effective. Binwin gets back on his feet and charges Thazan again. Thazan goes blow for blow with the party as he rushes past them to get to his dire boar mount, Kortha, who is chained up in the yard.

Episode 4[5] Edit

Thazan unleashed breath of fire upon the entire party and manages to reach Kortha. Aeofel is first to chase Thazan down outside in the snow hoping to keep him from unleashing the dire boar. Thazan mounts his dire boar and brings his battleaxe down against the chain holding his mount in place. Kortha tramples Omin, Binwin, and Aeofel. Each member of the party tries to put the fire clinging to them out while maintaining the battle with Thazan. The team brings out all the classics: Magic Missile, Avenging Echo, Lance of Faith, and Sweeping Strike. Binwin charges the pair and knocks the boar prone with Thazan trapped underneath it. Multiple blows get the boar bloodied and enrage Thazan, when they arise they chase down Jim Darkmagic goring him, then Thazan downs him with his axe.

Episode 5[6] Edit

Omin starts by healing Jim and bringing him back to consciousness and misses another Lance of Faith. Binwin manages to topple the boar and kill it. Aeofel intimidates Thazan and gets him to open the front door to the Ambershard manor. The party tosses Thazan's cabin finding 100 gold pieces, a pinup statuette of a Dwarven woman, and a Potion of Healing. Opening the main doors to the Ambershard Manor reveals a 40 foot wide and 60 foot deep foyer featuring a grand staircase in the center to an balcony, a gong, a pair of braziers burning brightly, a hallway at the end, two doorways on either side of the room; the left to a dining hall, and the right to a study featuring "magic scary shit", finally a ghost stands on the first landing of the grand staircase -- an elf. The curious male Elven ghost glides down the bottom of the staircase and looks at the party oddly. The ghost, named Sitheer, recants his demise to a pit of acid as he was once a thief. After what one might describe as an absurdly rapid interval, Binwin agrees to allow this ghost to meld with him. With an Elven ghost inside Binwin's head, a real Cortana/Master Chief situation, the party prepares to take on the Ambershards understanding that the son and heir of the family Leer Ambershard is the only one home. The ghost leads the party up the staircase and states that Leer is beyond the main door at the second level. This episode ends with the party being almost spotted by a Dwarf that sticks his head out of the main door to look at the balcony hall.

Episode 6[7] Edit

The party attempts to trap the Dwarves by putting a weapon through the handles of the double doors running ahead and down the hallway swinging another door open. Binwin reveals this to be a bedroom with a single Dwarf laying in the bed. From back down at the end of the hallway that the party came from, the rigged door still manages to hold and trap that room's occupants. The Dwarf abed curses the party and calls for guards reaching for a weapon as the encounter begins.

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The Ambershard Dwarf, revealed to be Leer Ambershard, activates four automatons to joint the fight and assaults Binwin. After being handed a Divine Guidance, Binwin critically strikes on Leer. Leer kicks over a brazier, taking another hit from Binwin then runs toward an adjacent room. The automatons finally join the battle and start to work over Binwin and Omin. Aeofel casts his Oath of Enmity on Leer, cutting off his escape. Aeofel strikes Leer and several of the automaton with a chain of lightning damage. Leer starts to make ground and rushes past a curtain, Binwin urges Aeofel to find and finish Leer off. Aeofel pulls Leer back through the curtain with an Overwhelming Strike which bloodies Leer. Omin and Binwin struggle to hold their own against the automatons and the door on the balcony finally gives and Dwarven guards spill out. Omin lands a Lance of Faith against an automaton who has grappled Binwin with a pincer-like claw. Jim prepares to handle the oncoming Dwarven guards but takes a crossbow bolt to the chest.

Episode 7[8] Edit

Jim kills the very same crossbowman that shot him, using his Action point to blast another three guards away (as minions they die in 1 hit). Leer stabs Aeofel and shifts away again trying to put distance between himself and the rest of Acqusitions Inc (who are currently being pummeled by automatons). In a mental flashback, at Sitheer's questioning, Binwin recollects why the Bronzebottoms are opposed to the Ambershards -- namely the loss of the Bronzebottom mine. Aeofel continues to follow Leer and uses his own Action Point to strike him twice. It's worth mentioning that at this point Binwin, Omin, and Jim cannot see Aeofel. Jim finishes off one more guard before rushing back into the room with Binwin/Omin and their automatons locking the door behind him. Binwin takes a Second Wind but misses his following strike on the automaton. Leer Ambershard rushes away from Aeofel and activates a teleportation circle to escape. Aeofel gets pinned against a wall by another two automatons, breaks free and runs to the teleportation circle following Leer through it and separating himself from the rest of the party. Aeofel sees Leer and throws a dagger at him, the dagger stops midair about 10 feet away from him embedding itself in a hidden gelatinous cube.

FULL PAX 2012 Penny Arcade DND Celebrity Game UNCENSORED Acqusitions Inc S-7 - YouTube-0

Jim casts Thunderwave to blow open the doors attempting to knock the Dwarves beyond it prone but has to resort to a magic missile instead. Leer continues to run away moving into another room beyond the one currently occupied by Aeofel who leaps past the cube and chases Leer down. Omin and Binwin smash another minion and nearly down the remaining automatons. Leer throws his dagger at the gong in the foyer with Aeofel. As the gong rings through the mansion Binwin checks with Sitheer and learns that this gong activates all the traps. An acid-pit is revealed beneath Aeofel and the Eladrin Avenger falls into it who unsuccessfully attempts to escape the pit.

Episode 8[9] Edit

Aeofel attempts to escape the pit, firstly with a 16 and secondly with an 18 yelling for help. Jim throws open the wardrobe searching for the fabled hidden armor Sitheer spoke of and is slashed by hidden trap blades but does discover a particularly impressive set of chainmail. While the rest of his team is finishing their battle with Dwarven guards and automatons, Aeofel finally falls unconscious in the acid pit and fails his first death saving throw. Jim grabs the supposedly acid-proof chainmail still attempting to fight back and passing off this armor to Omin. Aeofel reaches his negative bloodied value and dies in the acid. Chris spends the next few minutes explaining the concept of death to the adults at the table. Binwin, Omin, and Jim finish fighting the remaining foes and regroup in the bedroom of Leer Ambershard. The party uses Sitheer's guidance to evade the remaining traps and escape Ambershard Manor, Jim fishes out some of Aeofel's old golden armbands before leaving.

Season Details Edit

Locations Edit

Non-Player Characters Edit

Notable Quotes Edit

  • "There's a guy on your roof!" - Jim Darkmagic, Episode 2
  • "My father stopped drinking because of this!" - Binwin Bronzebottom, Episode 2
  • "OH IT SMELLS LIKE DWARF SHIT HERE" - Aeofel Elhromane, Episode 3
  • "I like your [Jim Darkmagic's] death scene!" - Thazan Stormbellow, Episode 4
  • "Jim Winks at [Thazan], How's your death scene?" - Jim Darkmagic, Episode 4
  • "In Elvish I tell him that his beard is short and scraggly!" - Aeofel Elhromane, Episode 7
  • "I deride your thunderwaving abilities" - Unnamed Dwarven Guard, Episode 7
  • "MY NAME WAS AEOFEL!" - Aeofel Elhromane, Episode 8
  • "So what you're saying is...in the month of June: Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, and worst of all Aeofel" - Binwin/Aeofel, Episode 8
  • "Dungeon Master you son of a bitch" - Binwin Bronzebottom, Episode 8

Notable Trivia Edit

  • This season Omin Dran managed to miss more Lances of Faith than he even attempted in previous seasons.
  • The first 'true' death of a PC occurred as Aeofel fell prey to a gong-activated pit of acid.
  • This season contained the fewest number of critical hits and failures

Player Statistics Edit

Character Critical Hits Critical Misses Damage Dealt Damage Taken Last Hits* Downs**
Omin Dran 0 0 119 58 3 0
Binwin Bronzebottom 1 1 246 162 3 0
Jim Darkmagic 0 0 197 89 7 1
Aeofel Elrohmane 1 1 101 96 0 1
DM: Chris Perkins 0 1 N/A N/A N/A N/A
*Last Hits are any instance where the attack or effect from one PC has Downed or Killed an NPC. Not which PC was most responsible for those kills.

**Downs are considered any instance where a PC is taken down to 0 hp or lower. This is not Player Character death which is exceedingly rare. 

References Edit

  1. 1.0 1.1 http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/jim-darkmagic
  2. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep1
  3. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep2
  4. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep3
  5. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep4
  6. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep5
  7. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep6
  8. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep7
  9. http://www.acq-inc.com/portfolio/details/penny-arcade-pvp-s3-ep8